I think instead of making my kids Disney Princess Junkies, I'll make them opera junkies. Though the stories are often brutal, I can save the details of the stories behind the music for later. I'll get them dolls of Madame Butterfly, Cunegonde, and Tosca rather than Belle, Cinderella and Snow White. Though, Jasmine was quite the feminist. So that's cool, maybe I'll include her.
I have a lot going on in my head lately, most of it being negative and saddish, which isn't totally what I want, but sometimes you have to deal, right? Right. So.
For instance (and be warned, this is per-so-nal shit right here), my dad was in jail for a few days, so I didn't think he would be able to come to my graduation ceremony. And I was relieved, because then the horrible decision making process of 'do I invite a man who has been absent from my life to my graduation or not?' was automatically made. So I gave his ticket away. And then he got out of jail, and my grandmother was asking me for another ticket, and I had to tell her he couldn't go because I couldn't buy more tickets at this point, and blah blah blah... and again, I'm relieved, because I didn't want him to go. Honestly, I didn't; I don't think he has the right to go to every positive event in my life, but not be there for the negative or any of the fluff in between due to his drug and alcohol addiction. But then again, God knew I would've caved in to my grandma, so he didn't really give me much of an option. Or at least, he facilitated my decision making process.
I really needed to get that out. I tried telling my friends, and my family doesn't quite get it because you know, they're all dealing with the same thing and they think I have a wall around me that allows me to make decisions without my right brain getting the best of me. But it just doesn't feel legitimate. It's not like they don't care. It's just like... it isn't natural telling them or confiding that kind of thing to them. I'd rather write.
