You are Beautiful, Baybay.

Some time ago I heard/read/saw/was told that if you receive a complement, instead of shooting it down, you should say thank you, even if you don't believe it. Because for one, it will somehow make you feel a little more confident, and also, then you're not being like, "YOUR A SCUMBAG LIAR!" to the person who just tried to make you feel good about yourself.
I feel like I've been doing pretty well at this lately. And though people may not always realize, insecurity is absolutely positively universal when it comes to teenage girls. Sure, Miss so-and-so may say she's the shit, and loves herself to death, but no. Sorry. She's the scumbag liar in this situation.
So yeah. Compliments are always absolutely awesome to receive. Especially when their creative, or unexpected.

All in all, though I've been feeling like a turd/failure/bimbo lately, it really is the little things in my day that keep me stable. Ooch. That sounded super overdramatic, but I think you know what I mean. Like. It's just nice, and it makes me have a little more faith in my existence and role in humanity.

Your smile is the sun, ma chere. And fallen men, we need the sun.

Oofta.

Well, I got myself into quite the academic pickle. I'm soo far behind on my music theory. And I should really be working on that right now... But I really don't want to. I'm surprised I still have a semi decent grade, actually.

And I almost just had a super duper anxiety attack. I feel like such a traitor in some ways. It's hard to explain. But. I feel, lately, that I don't deserve things like I used to. I feel like a bad person. Which is dumb, because I strive everyday to be the best person I can be. It doesn't always work, but at least I'm making a noble effort at it.

I guess we all just have 'those days.'
Maybe I'm getting sick?
Maybe I just need winter break. Really really bad.
Or you know, summer.

Let Them Eat Cake!

It's incredible to me that I find the most obscure and beautiful pieces on Youtube, but I actually haven't listened to my entire concerto...
So today I did. AND I RENEWED MY LOVE FOR IT. <3

Is it just me, or is it hard to think of 19th century French people as hardcore? I always try to think of Napoleon, but he just kind of amuses me, seeing as he was shorter than I am... That, and Russians, Germans and Brits appeal to me more during that time period. So anyway, it's weird trying to give off the vibe of a a prideful, passionate and somewhat angry french person when I play the Saint Saens. Maybe I should just try thinking prior to Napoleon...
Like Marie Antoinette-y France?
Then again, getting outraged at "let them eat cake!" isn't totally my style.

I really think I do want to get a bachelor's degree in history too. Just so I can make historical jokes all the time. They really are funny.

Le Third Movement.

Oh, Shanks!

Dear God,
Thanks a lot for all the friends and family who care about me and love me. I care about them and love them too. Also, the material goods are pretty cool. Thanks for letting me be fortunate enough to live in a country where consumerism is NBD. Thank you for music. I love music a lot. Thank you for good food, I like eating. Thanks for the great lakes, those are a good source of water for my area. Thanks for my cats, and thanks for books, and thanks for poetry, and thanks for the internet. Thank you for public schooling. Thank you for science. Thank you for hospitality and generosity. Thanks for my fingers. Thanks for the human conscience.
Sincerely,
Paige


Well, now that I have that out of the way.
I don't know why I'm taking this Thanksgiving so much more seriously than ones in the past. Maybe I've matured. Maybe I'm just happier all around. But either way, I have noticed all year so far that I'm really thankful for the little things, and incredibly grateful for the big things. I'd like to be able to be like, 'oh, hey blog reading people, what are you thankful for??' but I feel as though no one would respond. So just take a second to answer that in your head. Think of the smallest most insignificant event or item in your life, and think of how it made you who you are. Those are the things we should be most grateful for, I feel.
WOO. Philosophayyy.

Surprisingly, I'm thankful for Saint Saens too XD

Man Voice and Lists.

I wondered to myself today...
If you write out your bad thoughts, does that help you get rid of them faster or hold on to them longer? Like when you have a song stuck in your head, does singing it help you get it out of your head, or does it keep the song in there longer?

So I started writing down a bunch of bad stuff about my day. Like the fact that my backpack still reeks of cat piss. And I felt better.

Then I started writing down things that would help me feel even better in the day. I decided it would probably be one of those 'clean the house to feel happier' kind of days.
1. Do my two overflowing baskets of laundry sitting in my bedroom right now.
2. Wash my backpack. Again.
3. Polish my violin.

And then I decided it would probably be best to focus on the positives of the day. Because I made a rule with myself that if I can think of 3 or more good things that happened today, I shouldn't complain so much.
1. Dover (my cat) is being a sweetheart.
2. I made my best friend laugh.
3. Mr. Kellenberger (Orchestra teacher) did hear my scared man voice today when Jade decided to surprise me in a practice room.
The last one was incredibly embarrassing, but it still kind of made my day anyway.

Throat Jumpin'

For some reason nowadays, you can't say anything politically related or religiously related or morally related without having someone jump down your throat. I've seen a lot of that this week and decided to write about it, because not only is it hilarious to me, it pisses me the hell off.

Ex. 1)
"Why does it matter if Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were homosexual? What would it really add to the plot anyway?"
BAM. Throat jumpin'.

Ex. 2)
"I hate republicans, just sayin'."
THROAT JUMPIN'. (justified throat jumpin because of this person's incredible ignorance, but throat jumpin' none the less.)

Ex. 3)
"Oh yeah, we're going to the bipartisan Wisconsin Jobs meeting."
No throat jumpin', but seriously palpable tension.

So why does a person's opinion automatically need to be shot down now? I don't get it. I though we could all say what we wanted to, hence, freedom of speech and expression. I almost feel like it's not that we're shooting others down so much as we all just want our time to be heard, and we don't know how to get it out there. I feel like doing an interview of a bunch of people and just letting them talk about what they believe. Without anything to stop them from just saying what they need to say. Because honestly, as much as we'd all like to believe it, facebook is not the place for political debates.


But then it brings up the question, why is it so tense when there's a disagreement without throat jumpin'? Is that how it has always been in the adult world? Everybody has their opinion, and if yours doesn't match theirs... you practically can't breathe because the air is so chock full of 'don't be politically incorrect...... or politically anything really........'
Gosh. When did we all get so loopy? Better yet, when did we all stop realizing that we have a common goal in mind: To live life to the fullest (what ever that may be to the individual). Okay, I'm done ranting.

First Snow of the Fiscal Year

During homeroom, which was at it's normal time, I overheard a conversation about high school relationships. One girl, who I know as Evie, but goes by Evelyn (I've known her a long time (: ), said, "...I agree, I don't see the point in dating someone if you don't see it going anywhere."
And to that, I wrote a nice page's worth of thoughts. Normally, I don't share my actual journal entries i here, but I thought this one was appropriate enough. And I edited it. :)

Am I the only one who dates because it's fun?! I love being adored, and adoring another person. It makes me feel a little less solitary. And high school me can be pretty damn solitary. Am I the only one who loves settling? I daydream constantly about really cheesy ass romantic stuff, like my wedding and growing old and holding hands; just like any other girl (right?). But at the same time, I don't need that guy to be my soul mate. Maybe my idea of a soul mate has changed though. I want a best friend who's attractive. That's all. That's all a stable relationship needs to be, right?


I don't know.
Today has bee a really weird day.
First snow of the fiscal year, today. Whoop.

Oh, creativity, thou hast abandoned me.

I've been trying to write a new blog for about a week now, and though I have a lot of ideas, none of them are good enough to follow through on. So I'm just going to write.

Writing is good. Free writing is good, too. I should do it more often, as my writing skills are really only tuned up in the essay writing department. I haven't written a poem in a while. Yeeshhhhhhhh. But all I want to write about is Peter, and I don't want to be like, 'mleh mleh mleh I only talk about my boyfriend.' This whole keeping proper distances at proper times thing is difficult.

I dyed my hair? Back to my typical dark brown.

I'm getting pretty bored with Saint Saens again (surprise, surprise). I think because I'm finally at a very good level of technique with it, I have to bring myself to think in terms of a new level of technique- the concerto competition level...
I'm entering into four concerto competitions this year (top prizes being $500, a $500 scholarship, $800, $2000). If I win all of them, which is a little far fetched, but hopefully attainable, I should be that much closer to paying my first year of college. Ahahaha... College is expensive..... (NERVOUS LAUGH).

My official new warm up piece. (: